It started so innocently

With just some cocktails...some finger food and close family and friends in my sisters' apartment. Over the years it has grown considerably and last year it was a big hit. Now it is on a totally different level.

I'm speaking of our annual holiday party and this was by far the biggest and most expensive of them all. I'm talking a rented tent, cocktail tables, dinner tables and a buffet with an open bar equipped with any drink you want, and a real DJ.

Now the party is just getting started with some friends and family there already. Now, my father (who over did it) walks in with a 3-piece suit on along with his girlfriend and some of her friends. Now, all the people that WE (as in the people throwing the party) invited are just sitting around chillin', but her and her friends go straight for the food and the drinks =(. Out of respect for my pops I won't take it any further than that.

Now you have about 80 black folks, a lot of alcohol and some music. Foolishness ensues.
There was one of sister's friends who showed up in matching pink sweaters with her boyfriend, that's right...PINK.

Then there was my cousin, who is gay (thus I have the right to joan) in his tight white shirt with the see-through sleeves. Now I'm in the house with the DJ (who was my roommate in college) and some of my friends and I just see all the heterosexual males who came with the girls coming out of the tent. In the words of one of them, "Gee, I can't F with cousin...I'm not tryna see that."

My father started out serving drinks at the bar. Background info on my pops, he uses alcohol as the chaser for his sodas and not the other way around for most folks so you know he makes some serious drinks. Bammas were hurting. Then my cousin, the same as mentioned before, took his place. No difference.

I knew my cuz was making strong drinks when I saw the one he made for my homie Josh. It was supposed to be an "Incredible Hulk," but it was brown. Big Trouble for the lightweight drinker. He'd already had a Smirnoff Ice and the combination only meant an embarassing moment was ready to ensue (we'll revisit this).

Neither my pops nor my cuz made me a drink because I had my own special bottle of Moet (YES, I was fakin).

My sister's boyfriend is there, knowing about my vow of celibacy is telling me he's taking me to the strip club. We're trying to keep Josh from looking at all my sister's friends before he get's slapped. Somebody asked me to make them some egg nog and I couldn't do it because by that time I didn't have much coordination left.

Then, the DJ started playing Go-Go and we just all decided to make a fool of ourselves in front of my family...especially Josh. He went out there on his own, beating his feet at first. We just laughed and got off the dance floor. Then the DJ started playing "Ruff it Off" by Junkyard. Mix that with the Champagne and Smirnoffs I had been drinking and I just didn't care anymore. I'm out on the floor doing the hee-haw and some more stuff.

Then everybody formed some type of dance circle and people took their turn in the middle. Josh...what can I say. He goes out there and some lady (I'd never seen her before) who was old enough to be his grandmother starts freaking him and they go down to the floor freaking each other...CLASSIC. I wish I videotaped it. It was the single greatest moment of the night.

Then the DJ started playing down south music and we were bouncing around in there like we'd lost our minds. We hadn't...we were just all drunk. Then the old lady's (see above) husband spilled his drink on me, blamed it on me and we then got into it. I had him outnumbered...he was in trouble. Nothing happened though.

That was the end of the party though and I must say I had a grand ole time. It was worth the trouble and the hangover EVERYBODY had the next day. The empanadas my sis made were good too.