All Aboard...

Blue line train to Franconia-Springfield...next stop comedy. The damnedest things happen on the subway. I mean you can't make this stuff up.

I'm at Addison Rd one day getting on the train and this dude was up there talking to himself. Now we've all seen someone talking to themselves and we may even do it sometimes, but not like this. Cuz was like a one man play. "C'mon brother, we got to do this for momma. " Hand motions and everything. It was like cuz was on stage. Then when he was done...he started crying.

This girl at my job comes to work shook one day. We asked her why and she says some dude kept showing her his balls on the train. She was shook and I was laughing. That's jye nasty but it didn't happen to me some I'm gonna laugh. She said he kept pulling his sack out and motioning for her to come to him. When she got off the train, she told transit police about him.

How about the Transfer dash. You know when you at a transfer station like L'Enfant Plaza or Metro Center and you see people position for them doors to open like they down in the blocks for the 100m final. That door opens and folks jet out just to see the train they want to get on roll away right before their very eyes. Hell, I walked and we still gon' get on the same train homie. (More on this later)

Sometimes the train gets crowded and some folks don't take hygiene seriously. People have their arms up holding the pole (no homo) and their underarms smell like deodorant hasn't been used in months. Then there are times like yesterday when people just fart on the train when it's crowded. I know who did it because homie proceeded to get on the train, break wind, and then walk to the other end of the car. There' s your prime suspect leaving the scene of the crime.

DC is a tourism town so tourist ride the metro not knowing the rules. If you're riding the escalator and you're not going to walk, you need to get to the right so that commuters can walk. Well, yesterday, some genious decided to hold up the escalator at the Bethesda station, a rather long escalator. Nobody is moving, but this girl decides shes going to walk down the escalator anyway. She's bumping and pushing her way down until she runs into the wrong negro. She says "I'm trying to get down" and he says "So is everybody else." She tries to move but he won't let her and then he goes push me one more time and see if I don't hit females. She just rode the escalator like everyone else.

The funniest metro story ever goes like this, I'm transferring stations one time last fall. It's some people rushing down the escalator to get on the blue line going towards Addison Rd. It's obvious that it's too many people to make it on the train but people want to try those doors. (Subway doors are not like elevator doors. They don't open back up when they feel something in the way. ) This lady found out the hard way. Me and this dude saw it coming. It was like slow motion as the door slammed right on this lady's face and she let out this yell. I had to just stand there and laugh. I can't make this up.