Save the Chickens

Dear Farmers Association of the World

This Avian Flu is really getting to me. I can't take it anymore. We cows already have it in with this Mad Cow disease. Now we don't need the world running from chicken to beef.

You gotta understand. It's been a bad year for me personally. My cousin got a lil wild in a bull-fighting match last month down in Mexico and they had to put him to sleep. I'm in commercials and shit and they can't track me down to tell me until last week. I'm a world famous cow damnit!!!

Here's the problem. When I see dead birds from the Avian Flu, I don't see vultures, crows or those freakin' rats with wings you call pigeons. I see chicken. All the time. Think about what'll happen to the US economy if there is a serious chicken problem.

Now, I hate to sound racist (although you humans do slaughter and eat my kind everyday), but we all know Black people in America love dem some chicken. Suppose there were no more chicken to go around. They could go to pork, but that'll just kill them even faster. The rest would just die of hunger because they can't afford the price of seafood and the good grade of beef. Then...what is America going to do? There's nobody else left to fuel the economy by buying a bunch of crap they don't really need.

So you see how dire this situation is. Something MUST be done about it. Let's get to it.

Char-Broil-A-Mane
Chik-Fil-A Cows of the Round Table
On behalf of the International Bovine Union (IBU)